Saturday, December 4

"Mom" Jeans and Other Unfortunate Things

A while back I caught an episode of Oprah in which they were giving several moms total makeovers. They did one of those hidden camera stints where they followed her around, and lo and behold (!) she was caught wearing dreadful things; leggings, t-shirts, uncombed hair, bad jeans, bad shoes and even pajamas!

I won't lie, I look around furtively on some days to see if such a camera is following me. Like last night, when I NEEDED to get out of the house for an hour and ran to TJ Maxx. I didn't think twice about what I was wearing...I simply ran from the upheaval in the house as quickly as I could ( upturned dishes, a whining 2 year old, dinner smattered on the counter and table and floor, you know!)

As it turns out I had on very light washed, loose fit, jeans (that I had purchased on a mega sale rack at Ann Taylor Loft for like 7.99 earlier this year), my big brown down coat and my tattered looking black dansko clogs that are quite comfortable (you know those clogs that chefs and nurses wear), but seem to have been much more widely accepted in Cambridge, MA (where EVERYONE had them!) then in Buffalo (where I get dirty looks for wearing them!). 

By the time I actually made it to the store, recovered my senses, and caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror, I almost gasped in horror! Who let me out of the house like that?

 I was feeling, well, frumpy, to say the least. 


I promise this isn't a pity party, because as entirely frumpy as I felt and as much as I may have wished, just a tinsy bit,  to be looking more trendy, or posh, or sleek, there was another part of me that entirely could have cared less because I was truly just grateful to have made it through the day and to have gotten out of the house. 

And that is how you end up on the Oprah show in need of a makeover. 

And now I totally get it. 

And, Oprah, if you're reading this, SIGN me UP! because seriously, for me to look good at this stage of the game someone else is going to have to pay for it! 

And, truly, that is what it comes down too. Despite not having the time to pamper, and wax (Oi, you should see my eyebrows right now-- they are a sight to behold!) and nail polish, and hot iron myself before leaving the house, my money gets spent on so many other things these days, I can hardly keep up; diapers, baby food, pajamas for the girls, shoes for the girls, Christmas presents, gymnastics classes, mittens, hats and boots (x2!), coloring books, play dough, Dora videos...shall I go on?

Seriously, that $65 I might have spent on myself without a thought before children, on random sweaters or t-shirts or jewelry or shoes, well, there are new demands on doesn't exist anymore. I saw a purse at TJ Maxx last night that I liked...nice soft leather...big hobo style...$198 price tag! 

I blinked, my mouth dropped, my eyes opened wide! $198?!!! Who pays that much for a purse?!

 You see, I'd like all of those people who are judging my bad clogs and whitewashed jeans to know that I actually DO have good me pick up this purse that I really DO like...and then watch me put it back down, because despite having good taste, I also have a WHOLE lot of common sense these days. I have to. It comes with the territory or you don't survive. 

(And, can I just add an aside here, if I DID have extra money, I still wouldn't spend THAT much on a PURSE. People, there are homeless moms and children in our very own city who could be fed and housed for 1/2 of that! Someone please tell me that I'm not the only one who find it stark, raving mad that a purse would cost that much?!)

So, as I left the store with my $180 in purchases, which included a traveling coffee mug (ours all diappeared), some non-"granny" (as my husband calls them!) undies (mostly for the benefit of my poor husband, but that's another story!), socks (that I found on sale for $1.00), Christmas presents for 4 people, two knit hats for hubby to wrap for me for Christmas, and a really cute memo board for our kitchen, I have absolutely nothing (outer appearance wise) to show for my shopping...I glanced at two women in line donning trendy leggings, and leather boots, and cute belted sweaters and thought, "Someday"... 

Or not. Because there will be college, and weddings, and then grandchildren. 

But, HA! I'm really coming to terms with it. It is just another way that I empathize with my own mother even more now. A mom who I recall buying her own clothing at Amvets, so that she could afford our sneakers for school from K-Mart. A mom whose luxury was a $6.99 tube of lipstick from the grocery store. A mom, who by all accounts always looked great (and still does!), but who very often probably felt "frumpy" because she was buying school clothes and food for me and my three siblings. 

LOVE YOU MOM! And thank you for all you sacrificed, emotionally, and materially, so that we could have! I'm sorry for all the times I wanted more, envied the other kids, or whined that I didn't have enough. You gave us all that you could and I SOOO get that now...and while my girls aren't whining about it yet, they ARE girls and I'm sure the time is coming....I'll take great comfort in knowing that they too, will understand, finally, when they have kids of their own.

P.S. for the fun of it, I pulled this off of

jeans highlighting the flat curvature of the 40+ buttocks. Similies: upside-down-heart shaped-butt. Commonly seen aacompained with front butt. Extremly high waist, and always a crappy shade of blue or black. Usually found in Kohl's or Mervyn's.
mom jeans images
Mom Jeans: High waisted and tapered. Nobody looks good in these type of jeans. Angelina Jolie would look like a pile of crap in Mom Jeans.

P.P.S. Despite my apparent frumpiness, please DO tell me if I've crossed the line and end up attending a MOPS meeting or grocery store in jeans THIS bad!! 


  1. O.M.W.!!!! That urban dictionary has me laughing hysterically!!! And how ironic that at most MOPS meetings I look at you and think, "she looks so stylish"!!! I TOTALLY agree that $198 is an insane amount of money to spend on a purse!!! In fact, I find it hard enough lately to even spend money on new Hanes Her Way (you know the 5 pk. for $10 at Walmart).....sadly, I can now relate to the hole-y mom underwear phenomenon....***lowers her head in shame and embarassement*** Praying even more than ever that I will not have a car accident, or end up in the hosipital for any other know what they say about your underwear in situations like that. :P

  2. just made my day!!! I was laughing and crying uncontrollably while reading this to my sister, Cindy over the phone! I was at Marshalls last night and summed up my experience perfectly! I know you can totally relate to us moms now that you are one, but try it x2 more kids! Ughhh!!!!

    From one mother to another, it is with age and wisdom that we feel this way, so most days I feel blessed that I have a husband that loves me, my children to love, and no longer love to have all the expensive trendy stuff.....that is all it is in the end.....JUST STUFF.....that doesn't love you back!

  3. OK, I have to say I really enjoyed this post but can I still love my legging, cheap knee-length boots, designer purse and uncombed hair? Does it count if I have a really wealthy friend that buys me expensive designer items on occasion? I love TJMAXX and love finding an upscale store with items for less than $10! Most of all I love sneaking out of a messy house after a long day and finding my way into a fun store, even if it's just to look around! It makes me remember I too at one time did have some sense of fashion. Loved the post Lisa!! Julianna~

  4. I to have ran out of the house just to get out, and have found myself in Marshalls and happen to glance in the mirror and have a serious panic about what I look like! It didn't seem so bad at my house, and then once you are out in public you realize how bad it actually is! Jessica, I am cracking up at the Hanes Her Way comment ( I just bought some! And I to had a hard time paying for them!!) It is crazy how much we all have in common once you get it out in the open!


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