Tuesday, November 16

Bye Bye Modesty and Decency

My husband and I joke, or at least I like to tease him, that our children are payback for HIS childhood not mine! I like to remind him of this on days that things are particularly hairy and we both wonder if there are several invisible children running around our house adding to the chaos because it is simply not possible that just two little girls can cause THIS much trouble.

See, I was a quiet child. My parents have told me this many times. They swear/joke that it's why my brother and I are exactly one year and four days apart, because I was SO easy! I used to sit and read books and play with dolls. I colored nicely. I tended to stuffed animals. I sat quietly and watched television. All the things I have preconceived notions that my girls should WANT to do.

Not so much. Before I get to them, let me give you a little summary from the tidbits I've heard about Scott's childhood:

He is a twin. Both boys weighed over 7 lbs each AT BIRTH!!! Therefore causing trouble right from the beginning. The used to help each other out of their crib, sleep on their closet floor, attempt to climb dressers, attempt to climb out windows, attempt to crawl into parked cars and start them (I actually think there is a story in which their mother came home and found them on the roof and another where they managed to roll a parked car into the street...all before they were 5!). They used to crawl on floors, under pews, in CHURCH! The did NOT stop moving. (Scott still has a hard time sitting still!).

So, as you can see, not my genes that these crazy girls get their activity level from...So, it comes as no surprise to me any longer when I take them somewhere for lunch and swear people are giving me "the eye" the entire time I'm there.

You know "the eye". The one that says, "I was SO hoping to have a nice peaceful lunch here at this fine fast food establishment this afternoon until THAT lady walked in with THOSE toddlers."

Yes. Yes. We went to Wendy's this afternoon, in part because I did not want to clean up my kitchen from one more meal and in part because Ava had acquired a "free" frosty coupon from somewhere.

Here is how the visit went:

Before we even walk in Ava announces she has to pee. Instead of getting in line I carry Ella, and hold Ava's hand and drag them both into the bathroom. The girls insist on inspecting BOTH stalls before choosing the one that would be best for peeing. Seriously. At my prompting we chose the handicap stall because it was the biggest.

"Wow Mommy! This is the biggest bathroom EVER!" Ava announces as they both simultaneously crouch down to peer under the wall as Ava announces loudly, "There is someone in that one now!"

yes honey. yes there is...and even though modesty is not part of our experience here, we're going to try to allow it to be part of hers.

As I put toilet paper on the toilet for Ava and help her up, I glance up and see Ella hanging, literally, hanging, as if it were the monkey bars, from the long, stainless handicap assistant bar that runs next to the toilet. She keeps pulling her feet up off the ground to see how long she can hang and says, "Look mommy!"

yes, yes, that's great honey.

Ava pees and I figure I better go while we're in the restroom because I'm NOT bringing them in here again...I swear to you, they both stood at the back of the toilet watching my every move with Ella announcing "Pee. Pee.Pee" while I went.

(Sorry if that is too much information...but as I said, modesty is GONE here!)

Somehow I manage to get both of their hands washed before we head out to order food. Of course there is a line 7 or 8 deep in front of us and of course the girls insist on climbing on the metal bars that section off the line while we wait. When we finally get up to the cashier to order I swear she gave me like 5 dirty looks! One when Ella coughed, one when I told her I had a coupon and proceeded to pull out diapers, plastic bags, bottles, binky's and an extra t-shirt all onto the counter in order to retrieve my wallet from the bottom of my purse and one as Ava told us VERY loudly that she wanted chocolate ice cream and NO PICKLES on her sandwich.

Once we got to the table Ella and Ava both climbed up and stood on top of their chairs (my hands are FULL!) before I can explain to them (for the 756th time!) that our bums not our feet belong on chairs! Ava manages to grab the burger wrapper sending the entire thing flying to the floor while Ella tries to stick her fingers in the frosty.

Against my better judgement I quickly picked the burger off the floor...and I'm still cringing at this and waiting for child services to show up...but there were 7 NEW people in line so I picked the burger up as quickly as I could, brushed it off and fed it to my children!!! EWWWWW. I know.

Scott decided to show up just as we were leaving. When I told the girls daddy had just arrived, they climbed back to their feet on the chairs and both proceeded to bang on the window screaming "DADDY" before I could stop them. And at that point all I could do was laugh...it had me thinking to the days, prior to children, when we would show up for dinner in a restaurant and Scott would ask the hostess to move us to a different table if she had seated us near a table of children.

HA. How things change.


  1. Lisa!!!! I LOVE your blog!!!! I love how real you are, & I love that I can totally relate to so many of the things you write in sooooo many ways! We really should get together & take all our kids out to Wendy's. We could easily put your mind at ease by proving that you're kids are definitely not the only ones who behave that way! In fact, maybe we should arrange marriages for my boys and your girls...it sounds like they'd be PERFECT for each other!

    And I too have blamed my husband for our children's non-stop motion.....their poor wives....I feel bad for them already!!!

    Thanks for the laugh!(Even though I totally get how stinkin' hard it is to laugh at it in the moment :P)....I've been there...more times than I care to remember!

  2. Lisa...The visuals are priceless!

  3. LOL Stacy-- I'm sure you have your own stories to match these!

    Jessica- that makes me laugh! I do think we should get the kids together it could either be VERY good or VERY bad!

  4. Lisa, you are so funny! I've been there done that. My kids have done stuff like that too when they were younger, things when you look back on them are funny, but at the time you can't believe they did it.


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